Lincoln's Son
The fascinating life or Robert Todd Lincoln
I have just returned from a trip overseas. We spent a few days in London, and I told my sons that you know you’ve made an impact even bigger than you could have imagined when other countries built a statue of you, and you never visited. There is a statute of Abraham Lincoln in London. Well done, Mr. President.
Abraham Lincoln might be our most researched and written-about President. I’m adding to it, though this missive is about another Mr. Lincoln. His son Robert.
If you’re someone who is bored by history, I do urge you to stay with me. I asked a friend I consider very clever when it comes to historical figures, about what he thought of Robert and he replied “Lincoln’s oldest, had his mother committed to an insane asylum.” That’s true, but in my mind, it’s like saying about Walt Disney, well there’s Mickey Mouse, and stopping there.
Robert Todd Lincoln lived in some ways a tragic life, and in others, the most blessed life possible. He and his father were never close, because Abe was traveling a lot trying to establish his legal and political career. I believe that he doted on his younger sons in response to not being available to his oldest.
After Robert, there was Eddie. In a story that was to be repeated way too often, Eddie died at way too young of an age. It was devastating to Abraham and Mary. It is one of my worst nightmares, as it is to most parents. I can only imagine what psychological effects it had on Robert.
Willie and Tad came along later, Robert was 9 and 7 years older than them. I have older siblings, I love them very much, but I know they are much closer to each other than me. I told them that they knew our parents as different people than I did.
It is with a depth of historical facts that we know about Willie and Tad’s behavior. They were, um, rambunctious to say the least. Lincoln’s law partner William Herndon said they simply could do nothing that would cause Abe to admonish them in the least. Herndon wanted to “ring their necks”.
Many reports were circulated in the White House about the children’s demeanor. Even when conducting serious meetings about the Civil War, Lincoln would stop whatever he was doing when they ran into the room being loud, chasing animals, tipping over shelves, and encouraging them to keep doing it.
Robert Todd Lincoln had to ask himself “Who is this guy? That’s not the dad I had”.
Writing these words makes me sad today. Willie died young. His parents never really got over it. Tad suffered too, not only had he lost his best friend, but his mother could not tolerate younger children over to play with Tad, the memory was too painful.
We don’t know what Robert felt, but I sense his grief was palpable. By all accounts, he dearly loved his parents, and though not close to his brothers, he was enamored by how much Abe and Mary adored them and how the boys made their lives better. Robert was old enough to serve on General Grant’s staff, so he had first-hand accounts of how horrible war can be.
He was also aware of the burden his father bore, and the intense energy and focus it took to hold the Union together. Those two young lads eased the pain of countless decisions, and I feel Robert was grateful for them.
Robert turned down an offer to attend Ford’s Theater with his parents on that fateful night, he had just arrived in town after a long journey on horse and was exhausted. He did see his father before he passed, something Tad didn’t get to do.
In a bizarre twist of fate, Robert Todd Lincoln was at the assassinations of two other Presidents, William McKinley and James Garfield. He refused to attend any other events with Presidents until the dedication of the Lincoln Memorial.
The death of her husband, along with the loss of two cherished sons, pushed an already brittle Mary Lincoln to the brink of sanity. I believe she had consistently struggled with mental health issues her entire life. Many witnesses have alluded to her fits of anger, including violence toward her husband. Abe once remarked that “the release of that anger towards me does her so much good” that he was willing to tolerate them and not take them personally.
Hallucinations, paranoia, and depression became daily occurrences for the First Lady. She always had trouble with excessive spending, which led to her doing her best to hide those debts from her husband. She even begged wealthy businessmen with shady pasts to give her money to pay off those debts.
This came to light when her seamstress wrote a book after trying in vain to get her payment from Mrs. Lincoln.
The most oft-quoted fact about Robert is the one my friend shared. That he had his mother committed to an insane asylum. I know that doesn’t sound politically correct, and I would agree with you, it’s just how they were referred to at the time. She was interred from May 1875 to June 1876.
Upon release, she fled to Europe. She said she was afraid that Robert would have her committed again. Robert told an acquaintance that he did not know where she lived, just somewhere in Europe. She lived in hotel rooms for the next four years, and would not even write his name in letters. Ouch.
Have you formed your own opinion of Robert yet? I know I had. But upon researching him, cause this is what I do for fun, I have changed my mind.
One author insinuated that he had her committed for financial reasons since Lincoln’s estate was quite large, and it was left entirely to Mary. What you may not know is that Robert was put in charge of the estate, but used no money to care for his mother. He paid for it himself and actually grew the size of the estate for her.
Mary’s sister and many cousins were still alive during this time. All of them, every single one of them, supported Robert’s decision to commit Mrs. Lincoln. They felt she was a danger to herself and possibly others.
Robert and Mary’s relationship had always been very close. I have read about how much the Lincolns loved Eddie, Willie, and Tad, but no mention of Robert. The truth is, that both parents adored their eldest child, especially his mother.
They traveled together, before and after the assassination. Robert loved shopping with Mary, and he was her favorite companion. Mary canceled a European vacation with Tad to attend Robert’s wedding, and she told him and his bride to take whatever they wanted from her storage to furnish their home.
Tad, Robert, and Mary lived in a hotel room in Chicago after Mr. Lincoln’s death. Robert hated the cramped quarters but felt it was his duty to be there for his family. He routinely visited her and wrote her after moving into his home with his wife.
Mental illness up close is a frightening sight, especially in someone you love. I can only guess what this was like for both Robert and Tad. Tad died at the age of 17 after what has been reported as tuberculosis he caught on a trip to England. Having another young son pass before his time would have probably pushed me over the edge, too. She even threatened to kill Robert on several occasions.
Mary’s sister was the one who urged Robert to reach out to his mother. Mary had continued to send gifts to her granddaughter Mamie, Robert’s child. Robert had always hoped that this meant there was room for forgiveness in these gestures.
Elizabeth Edwards, Robert’s aunt, was right. Mary had moved back to Illinois in 1881. Robert was President Garfield’s Secretary Of War at the time and had an official visit to Kansas. He stopped in to visit his mother, who was in deteriorating health. The reconciliation happened at last.
Robert continued to visit his mother, bringing his family with him, every few weeks. He and his wife worked tirelessly to have Mrs. Lincoln’s pension increased from $3,000 to $5,000, which was what President Garfield’s widow had been allotted.
Mary Todd Lincoln died of a stroke on July 16, 1882. She felt she had been dealt a cursed life, and honestly, who could argue? The Lincoln family had a tough history. Abraham’s mother died when he was quite young. And then the death of their sons.
The tragedy doesn’t stop there. Robert’s son Jack died at the age of 17 from blood poisoning. A friend of Robert's said he truly never recovered from that, something I am sure he shared with his parents. I would think it gave him even more grace in his memory of his mother.
He went on to many other endeavors, became a very successful lawyer, and then proceeded to run the Pullman Train Car company. He was always self-aware and said nobody hired Robert Todd Lincoln, they always wanted to hire Abraham Lincoln’s son.
Robert died in 1926, leaving his wife and two children.
He had intended to be buried with his parents and brothers at the family plot, but his wife changed those plans. No, not because of any ill will. She told her children that their beloved father had created a successful life, and had a family of his own, unlike his brothers. They needed to spend eternity with their parents, And Robert should spend eternity with his children.
Here’s a weird fact, Abraham Lincoln’s last remaining family member Robert Todd Lincoln Beckwith, his grandson, died in 1985! And ended the line of America’s most beloved President.
I know this is a change of pace article for me, but I have always found the oldest Lincoln child fascinating, and have wondered what life was like for him. And his young son who died Jack, remember him? That was a nickname. His full name was Abraham Lincoln II. It still breaks my heart.