The Best

Sam LaCrosse is one of the smartest guys I know. He has written three books: Value Economics, Toxic Immaturity, and Spectrum of Lies. All before he has sniffed the age of 30. I heartily recommend them; they are thought-provoking. I don’t agree with every premise, but it still causes me to consider my own stances. That is high praise.

He also has a podcast, one that I listen to faithfully. On a recent episode, he opined (ooh, that’s a cool word) that for the young male in America, average is no longer good enough. A number of factors contribute to this statement, with technology and a true worldwide competition driving it.

I am the father of two teenage sons. This topic obviously intrigues me. I am constantly trying to connect with my boys and impart wisdom to them as long as I can. I am an older father, and as I tell them, not in a macabre way, they will probably spend the majority of their lives without me, so I’m trying to pack it in now!

Ok, maybe a little macabre, but you get what I’m saying.

I was born at the tail end of the baby boomer generation. They still looked at us kids as by-products of the celebration of victory in World War II. I guess we know how our parents liked to celebrate. Netflix and chill, kids, but skip the Netflix.

No one likes to perceive themselves as average. But we are. That’s how we get any numbers, by figuring out what’s average, and then you can either put yourself above it, or have someone put you below it.

Average never bothered me. Maybe that’s being from the era I grew up in. I think it’s what most of us strived for. You didn’t want to stand out in most cases. I was poor, my mother made my jeans, and I was horrified. The other kids were Levis and Lees, and here I was with Ruths. That was my mom’s name.

I didn’t need to finish first in any competition, be it a race or grades. I just didn’t want to finish last, therefore being set apart. I played in our high school band. I had no desire to be first chair, but feared being the last chair. Making an A was cool, but Bs never hurt my feelings.

I started my career in radio, and it’s always been a very competitive business. There are a lot of DJs who never liked the person who was on opposite them in their time slot. Most guys wanted to be #1 in the ratings, to be King of all they surveyed, to paraphrase Howard Stern. Who was ultra competitive and brought even more focus to dominating your daypart.

Maybe I was naive, but I never hated the people I was in competition with. I always enjoyed meeting them because these were folks I truly had a commonality with. We have weird jobs, and they are rare. I was proud to be a member of that community, and I realized we were all just trying to make a living. And radio is so cyclical, you beat me one ratings period, and I’ll probably beat you in another. We were always held captive by the music we played, and we had no control over that. When country was huge, I had an advantage. When pop music surged, I was at a disadvantage. The same with every other format.

Maybe I feel self-conscious about Sam’s opinion. I believe I am good at my job. I work hard at it. But am I special? Much better than everyone at it? I don’t think I am. And the empirical evidence is I haven’t made a hundred million dollars and been featured on network TV and documentaries. But I’ve had a career for 50 years. I’ve never made enough money to be a true threat to a yearly budget. Yet I still made more than I ever thought I would.

This is not to say we should not strive for more. I want that for my kids. I don’t need them to be the best, just their best.

My wife and I do our best to instill values in our children. We try and teach them a lot of the wisdom found in Proverbs. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Take care of the miracle that is your body. Always try to be in a learning mode. Listen more than you talk, though I fail at that one a lot. Just ask them. And read, every day.

Loneliness is an epidemic in this country. There are so many people who are leading lives of quiet desperation. Though with the advent of the internet, I think the quiet part has fallen to the wayside. My career lends itself to people giving me their opinions, and let’s be fair, they listen to me give mine. Though I do my best to balance it, I really do work hard at seeing both sides of an issue, and I don’t assume that just because we have different views that you’re wrong and I’m right. And I try my best not to think you have dishonorable intentions. Just different.

A political person I know and respect once shared with me that we all have so many things that we do agree on if we just took the time to talk. If we can build that road together, then we can have an honest conversation about the hard issues. And let’s talk in a calm manner, and not try to win the discussion. I battle that. I’m better at it, but I have such a long way to go.

Polls of Gen Z show that young men are becoming more conservative. Young women are more liberal. One pundit said she thought it was because we are raising kids to be afraid of so many things. And this divide is stemming from that. I can see her point. These same groups are also showing a stat that is troubling: the men are starting to see marriage and children as a goal for a successful life, while women have lowered their sights on marriage and children. That does not bode well for any of us.

My career was my focus for the majority of my life. I can’t argue with the results, but I can also tell you I was never truly happy. My mood and view of myself depended on ratings. How many people knew me? When I appeared at an event, how was I received? Did they cheer? And if they did, how loud was it? Was I nominated for an award? Did I win it? And if I didn’t, then it confirmed that I was a loser; the whole “honor to be nominated” was baloney.

I shared with my sons that I was the most selfish person who could exist. I woke up every morning thinking about my wants and desires, and I ended each day with the same thought. And I was tired of it. All my relationships ended, and not always harmoniously. I finally realized that the only common factor was me. I made a decision that I needed to change. So I made an effort to surround myself with good men. Game changer. Being around good men made me want to be a better man. Not just a better person, but a better man.

That led me to the love of my life, Heather. She was everything that I had hoped to find, and I told her early on in our dating that even if we didn’t end up married, she had shown me exactly what I was searching for. Marrying her was a gift from God. There is nothing about her that hasn’t made me better, and I want to be better. I feel that every day.

This is where I don’t want to be average. I want to be the best husband. Not a good husband, but the best. I’m not there yet, but I think she appreciates that I am always striving. I am doing my best to teach that to my sons. And having my kids also showed me the true purpose of my life. To be their father, and to be the best father ever. I make mistakes and do things that they will tell themselves that they won’t do. And that’s ok, because I plan on being an amazing dad, and I want them to be twice as good as I am.

That’s where I completely agree with Sam. Be a great man. Be a great woman. Work on it every hour of every day. Be a great partner, work hard with all who work hard with you, and treat them with respect, and yes, love. My friends probably get tired of me telling them that I love them, and I like that. And when you do tell someone you love them, mean it.

My wife is a planner; it’s part of her job. She has daily to-do lists, weekly to-do lists, monthly to-do lists, and yearly to-do lists. It’s impressive. I was not a to-do list guy when she met me, and she asked me, “Where do you want to be in five years?” I told her I don’t think that way, that what has worked for me is to give 100% today, and tomorrow seems to take care of itself. While a lot of that is still true, I have learned from her. I have a daily, weekly, and monthly to-do list. Haven’t made it to yearly yet, but hey, we’ve only been married 18 years, give me time. And she has relaxed a little on checking boxes, and does such a good job of trying to live today, to see what’s happening around her today, and to take it all in. I’m so stinking proud of her.

I used to run between 35-45 miles a week. It was my thing. I can’t do that anymore, my body just can’t take it. But I have learned to embrace other forms of exercise. I will never run a marathon, heck, I’m not sure I could do a 10K. I don’t use it as a litmus of my fitness anymore. My diet is better, but oh lord, it could be so much better. If heaven doesn’t have chips and French onion dip, I’m going to be really disappointed.

I have learned a lot from running two businesses now. I never thought I would own a business, much less two. In my twenties, I might have wanted to crush the competition, and money is how I would have kept score. My goals are different now; I want my businesses to grow, but also reflect who I am as a person in the way I treat people and partnerships. I want the folks I work with to succeed, and if that happens, then I call that a success. I tell all my clients, if this doesn’t work for you, then let’s walk away friends. I don’t want to take your money; I want you to pay me because I’m worth it. And if you’re having a tough time, let me try to help in whatever way possible. I want to be the best business partner I can be.

We all have talents, we all have things that make us special. I tell all my nieces and nephews that my goal has always been to be their favorite uncle. I don’t get to see them regularly, but when I do, I do my best to listen and hear about their lives. I celebrate their successes and look for the learning possibilities of what they see as failures. I also share with them that I have learned more from my “failures” than I ever did from successes, and those usually led to better results than if I didn’t have them. My nephew Rob has taken up that mantle and tries to be the best uncle he can be. My boys got to spend time with him this summer, and they absolutely glow when they talk about Uncle Rob. They fell in love with him hard! I count that as a complete win in my book.

Make the time to reach out to your family as often as you can. It’s so easy today. I try to text my sisters just to check in. I should do it more than I already do. Don’t wish for a good family, be the best family member, and work on strengthening those bonds; just don’t wait for them to happen.

You would probably not tolerate someone talking to a loved one the way you talk to yourself. I do that all the time, but I have been working on giving myself grace. I am quick to apologize when appropriate, and that includes to myself. Feel free to take that advice from someone who has taken years to learn it.

You don’t have to be the best, just your best. Thank you, Sam, for making me think. You are the best at that, and I love you, my friend. Now I need to go text my sisters. Thanks for spending time with me today.