Weakness Is My Strength
Weakness is my strength. Wait, what? Don’t we all strive to be strong? Don’t we love the encouragement of “You got this”, or even if we tell ourselves “I got this!”? We even mock negative thoughts in ourselves, and let’s be clear, rightly so.
What is the most popular sport in America? Hands down, football. My son has just embarked on trying to make the freshman team, and he complained one day that he didn’t know if he should practice because he was sore.
I explained, that in my opinion, football is the war of attrition. Both teams are going to hurt, it’s a punishing game, but which team can handle the pain and persevere? I told him if he was sick, then let’s not practice, but if you’re just sore, then this is where you learn to push through and discover just what you can handle and what you can’t.
There’s a popular phrase that came about in the last few years: Toxic masculinity. I’ll be completely honest and tell you that I disagree with the term. Masculinity is not toxic. Now there are toxic individuals, and the world is littered with jerks, from both sexes.
I believe masculinity and feminity are essential aspects of not only life but society. Masculinity may get a bad rap because up until the last few decades, men were expected to be stoic, and the notion that a male could not mentally stand up to hard times was taboo.
This is not the old man yelling at the kids to pull their pants up, though honestly I probably wear mine way too high. I am thrilled by progress when it truly is progress. I love that nobody blinks an eye when I take my leave of a male friend and I tell him that I love him.
A hug is completely acceptable, and not just the bro hug with the big pat on the back to make sure everyone knows we’re manly men. I have had buddies hug me ferociously and tell me how much I mean to them. It makes my heart soar.
I kiss my sons. They’re teenagers now, and I try not to embarrass them in front of their friends, but they both will tell you I kiss their cheek or forehead each night to tell them how much they desperately mean to me and how my greatest blessing is being their father.
My father didn’t say that, though he did hug me and tell me he loved me. He died at the age of 54, and one of his brothers shared with me that their father was a cold and mean man, and never even acted like he liked his kids, much less loved them. My dad made a lot of mistakes but my heart breaks for him thinking of the world he grew up in.
Women have been at the forefront of this emotional renaissance. I credit former First Lady Betty Ford with a lot of it. She was the public person in my life to admit to faults. She gave interviews where she disagreed with the policies of her husband, Gerald, the President. But you could tell they were enthusiastically in love, and disagreements were just part of the ride.
Then she admitted to her alcoholism and addiction to painkillers. She sought treatment and then lent her name to the rehabilitation center. Betty Ford made it ok to show your weakness. And that became a strength.
It has become common now to admit to your foibles. Mental health no longer has the stigma that it used to carry. Actors started admitting to having mental struggles. Even athletes came forward to say they struggled and were in treatment. Nobody accused them of being weak, and it has become more of a strength to be commended.
Iron Man was my favorite comic. My fellow nerd son asked me why. I told him that it was unlike any other hero, that Tony Stark stopped being Iron Man for several issues because he was in the throes of alcoholism. As the child of an alcoholic, that resonated with me.
Here in Silicon Valley, mental health days are a thing. Anxiety and pressure are constant companions. Talking to a friend or a professional is encouraged.
Science has some interesting observations. They have found that people who suffer from depression or anxiety are getting relief by volunteering. Helping others helps ourselves. That’s not from the Bible, though it is, that’s from the Center for Disease Control.
Maybe the ease of today’s society gives us too much time to focus on ourselves. We aren’t hunting food, heck, the food comes to us. Entertainment is at our fingertips, and we are smarter than we’ve ever been, thanks to instant access to knowledge.
Social media can be fun. The majority of Americans said that they would give up their current jobs to become a social media influencer. Nope, not just the kids, everyone, including Baby Boomers. Excuse me, I think my brain just cramped.
At the same time, the majority of Americans, including Generations X and Z, think we spend way too much time on our phones, and most importantly, on social media. As the kids say, that math isn’t mathing.
. Bruce Lietzke was one of my favorite golfers. He hit a big cut, which means as a right-hander, his ball would start to the left and then fade back to the right side of his target. He figured out what he could do, hit it right, and what he could not do, hit it left. Instead of trying to fix it, he perfected it. And won a lot of money doing it.
His weakness became his strength.
Fatherhood is the coolest journey of my life. I try to be a strength for my family, a leader for them. Not in the traditional role, nobody has to bow to my will. I view leadership as finding out their needs and meeting them. And finding their wants and helping them to achieve them.
It was a tradition in the US military services that enlisted soldiers ate before the officers. You led by making sure everyone else was taken care of. I don’t know if it’s still the case, but I sure hope it is.
Don’t we all long for politicians who put the needs of everyone else before their own? I’m sure some do, but most Americans don’t feel that they do, even of the party they support. Imagine if everyone in our neighborhood put the needs of others first? Branch that out to our cities, counties, or states, and man that’s some koombaya stuff right there!
My sons know I don’t have all the answers. I freely admit I don’t know. I rush to say I’m sorry first to my wife because harmony helps everyone. Thirty years ago, that was a weakness. And now, my weakness is my strength.